This is not my ceiling
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
