I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
