i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
