my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
