He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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