How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
