I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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