Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
