Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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