Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
