I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
