When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
