you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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