dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
