question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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