She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
