Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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