this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
