I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize