If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
