you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
