At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
