Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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