This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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