Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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