tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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