I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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