It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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