i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
