you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
