somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
