if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
smell my finger.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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