after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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