You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
