exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
