Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
