I am puke
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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