it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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