My friends, they love my intelligence
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
