I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
