she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
