Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
