Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
