Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Success! We fucked roommates!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
