When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They have beer where we have blood.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
