I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
