Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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