In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
