I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
