He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
third nipple confirmed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
