Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
