Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
