Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
