Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
