before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
