Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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