Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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