captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize