Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
