dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
