Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
