I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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