conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
