Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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