it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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