I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize