it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
