I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
