No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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