Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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