Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
