Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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