I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
